Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ttyl tear gas
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
