I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
