Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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