i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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