You're my little dorito
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
