This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
