she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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