Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
