I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
