Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
