I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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