Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
