honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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