Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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