1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize