I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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