here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
