Ambien. No doubt about it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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