There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
