I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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