Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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