You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
