Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
