so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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