Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
