talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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