dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
