I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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