I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
