Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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