Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
