I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
