The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
