I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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