You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
