Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
