I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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