then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
