I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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