i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
