I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
