I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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