Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
