K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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