$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize