Fine. I'll sleep in my office
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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