Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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