I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
