Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
