I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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