Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
bring money and cleavage
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
