No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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