WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
