my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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