Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize