my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
