I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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