I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
