I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
