Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
