I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
