Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
