i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
