My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
this is an emotional support booty call
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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