So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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